Monday, September 6, 2010

4 - The Tragedy of Bushius Caesar Act 1 Scene 3

                       Thunder and lightning. Enter Ashcroftus and Fristus

Fristus:            Good even, Ashie. Brought you Caesar home?

Ashcroftus:      Indeed! If act as Romans when in Rome,
                       In Washington as washerwomen now
                       Must we too act.

Fristus [aside]                            He rants.

Ashcroftus:                                              Great holy cow!
                       The lightning forks, the thunder claps, such storm
                       Must portents portend way beyond the norm.
                       A common slave (you know him well by sight)
                       Held up his left hand, which did flame and light
                       Like twenty torches joined; and yet his hand,
                       Remained unscorched, untoasted, white and bland.
                       Against the Capitol I met a lion,
                       Who glazed upon me with a stare of iron
                       And went by surly, leaving me unscathed.
                       And hundred ghastly women, all unbathed,
                       Transformed with fear, gathered in a heap,
                       Swore that they saw (nor was it dream of sleep)
                       Men all in fire walk up and down the street.
                       When prodigies as these conjointly meet,
                       Let men not say “’tis nature,” and dismiss
                       Such portents as though nothing were amiss.

Fristus:             Indeed, it might or might not be the shock
                        Of praeternatural things to come, old cock!
                        Comes Caesar to the Capitol tomorrow?

Ashcroftus:       Indeed he doth, yet more lent ears to borrow.  
                        For he did bid McCainus thee to tell
                        To be there present well ere op’ning bell

Fristus:             Good night then, Ashie, this disturbed sky
                        Is not to walk in.

Ashcroftus:                                 Farewell, Fristie, bye! 
                          Exit Fristus, hawking on flagstones. Enter Rummeus

Rummeus:        Who’s there?

Ashcroftus:                            A neocon.

Rummeus:                                              Ash, by your voice.

Ashcroftus:      Your ear is good. A storm of primest choice
                       Befalls us; lightning strikes, the gales do blow,
                       Who ever knew the heavens menace so?

Rummeus:       Those that have known the earth so full of faults
                       That Jove doth sunder heaven’s cobalt vaults.
 [frothing]         For as we know, there are indeed known knowns,
                       The things we know we know (so make no bones);
 [further           We also know there are thus known unknowns,
frothings]         That is we know there are some things we do
[Drowned         Not know. But there are also unknown (phew)
in froth]            Unknowns. The ones we don’t know we don’t know.

Ashcroftus:       Gadzooks! ‘Sblood! Zounds! They must have tazed thee, bro!

Will S.:             Good grief. ‘Tis not enough that I revise
                        The Bushie’s gaffes, that Rummie’s tropes unwise
                        Must I now seek to disentangle?

Ashcroftus:                                                        Help!
                       You’ve lost me. Know I less than a cur’s whelp
                       With known unknowns, forsooth, and knowns unknown
                       Unknown unknowns, known knowns. My mind is blown.

Rummeus:       You are dull, Ashie, and those sparks of life
                       Aborted are by feeble brain’s midwife.
                       Or else you use not. Mull now the true cause
                       Of all our ills: the Senate, house of whores!
                       Our lack of movement shows us womanish.

                                Alarums, excursions. Enter sponsor 2

Sponsor 2:       A lack of movement? Canst thou not now pisch?
                       Then Metamucil take each day for ease.

                                              Exit sponsor 2

Ashcroftus:      Indeed, they say the Senators do please
                       To make our Bushie by the morrow King.

Rummeus:       Then I’ll allow, good golly, no such thing.
                       I know where I will wear this dagger then.

Writing C.:       Oh, Will, great Will, for Chissakes, hold thy pen
                       Recallest not my warnings. FBI
                       Doth wait, and Gitmo too. Transmogrify
                       The poxing dagger now into impeach.

Will S.:            So be 't!

Rummeus:                      Ahem…ere I will wear this peach.    
                       Rummeus from bondage will deliver Rummeus.
                       Therein, you Gods, with sweetness do you honey us;
                       Therein, you Gods, you tyrants do defeat.
Ashcroftus:       So every bondman in his hands so fleet
                        Bears pow'r to cancel his captivity.

Rummeus:         Unless of course base inactivity
                         Prevail. So vile is Caesar. But, O grief,
                         From mine own mouth these words stole like a thief.

Ashcroftus:        You speak to Ashie, and to such a man
                         That is no fleering telltale. Hold. My han’
                                                   They shake hands

Rummeus:          And thus it is that there’s a bargain made
                          For all our plans so caref’lly hatched and laid.

Ashcroftus:         Not laid and hatched? For first doth come the laying.

Will S.:               Stop it, you two, like jackasses a-braying!
                          I wrote this crap and know what I am saying.
                          Get on with it!

Rummeus:                                 The act that we are weighing,     
                          Most bloody, fiery and most terrible.

                                         Enter Nortona, sou’wester glistening with rain

Ashcroftus:         Stand close awhile. Here comes an angry bull
                          Legs kicking high in all this storm in haste.

Rummeus:          Tempesta! I do know her by her waist.
                          She is a friend. Her presence here can win
                          Chenie’s full backing. She can use her spin,
                          So finely honed to super from inferior
                          When known as Gale she lorded o’er Interior,
                          To seal the deal.

Nortona:                                    What fearful night is this!
                          Strange portents have we seen through all this piss
                          That haunt and scare through dark and stormy night.  
                                     Alarums, excursions. Enter sponsor 1

Sponsor 1:           With Halliburton’s midnight oil so bright,
                           Fear not the ghosts, since darkness into day
                           Is turned.

                                              Exit sponsor 1

Rummeus:                           Tempesta dear! Come here, I pray.
                           These written polls and focus groups do take
                           To Chenie’s house, their honeyed words to make
                           Him see the light of day, and to persuade
                           Him clear that ‘pon our side his bed is made.
                           So vouch that he’s won truly to our party,
                           And joins us hale and now pacemaker-hearty.

Vox populi:          The plot doth thicken; who will vict’ry win?
                           The Bushie Caesar? Chenie is his twin
                           In knavery. Which one within a den
                           Of thieves to choose when all’re ignoble men?
                           When ‘mongst them every poxing man jack rouses
                           Such scorn, we say a pox on all your houses.

                                      Exit Nortona, falling flat into a mud puddle.
Rummeus:           Come, Ashie, you and I will yet ere dawn
                           See Chenie at his house to be our pawn.

Ashcroftus:         O, sits he high in all the people’s hearts,
                          Although his own is broke in many parts.
                          His countenance, like richest alchemy,
                          Turns foe to friend and friend to enemy,
                          And with his mouth and lips leftward a-drooping,
                          His puckered lips like you-know-what a-pooping,
                          That e’en stone-making Gorgon’s face to stone
                          Can he thus turn, and none but he alone. 
                          And thus with him four-square upon our side
                          Our schemes will be a breeze, an easy ride.
                           Do rest assured, no need is there for funk,
                           With him it'll be yet one more true slam dunk. 
                         [Thunder. Lightning].  
              Exeunt, waists clasped, waltzing to the Ride of the Valkyrie    


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