Thunder and lightning. Enter Ashcroftus and Fristus
Fristus: Good even, Ashie. Brought you Caesar home?
Ashcroftus: Indeed! If act as Romans when in Rome,
In Washington as washerwomen now
Must we too act.
Fristus [aside] He rants.
Ashcroftus: Great holy cow!
The lightning forks, the thunder claps, such storm
Must portents portend way beyond the norm.
A common slave (you know him well by sight)
Held up his left hand, which did flame and light
Like twenty torches joined; and yet his hand,
Remained unscorched, untoasted, white and bland.
Against the Capitol I met a lion,
Who glazed upon me with a stare of iron
And went by surly, leaving me unscathed.
And hundred ghastly women, all unbathed,
Transformed with fear, gathered in a heap,
Swore that they saw (nor was it dream of sleep)
Men all in fire walk up and down the street.
When prodigies as these conjointly meet,
Let men not say “’tis nature,” and dismiss
Such portents as though nothing were amiss.
Fristus: Indeed, it might or might not be the shock
Of praeternatural things to come, old cock!
Comes Caesar to the Capitol tomorrow?
Ashcroftus: Indeed he doth, yet more lent ears to borrow.
For he did bid McCainus thee to tell
To be there present well ere op’ning bell
Fristus: Good night then, Ashie, this disturbed sky
Is not to walk in.
Ashcroftus: Farewell, Fristie, bye!
Exit Fristus, hawking on flagstones. Enter Rummeus
Rummeus: Who’s there?
Ashcroftus: A neocon.
Rummeus: Ash, by your voice.
Ashcroftus: Your ear is good. A storm of primest choice
Befalls us; lightning strikes, the gales do blow,
Who ever knew the heavens menace so?
Rummeus: Those that have known the earth so full of faults
That Jove doth sunder heaven’s cobalt vaults.
[frothing] For as we know, there are indeed known knowns,
The things we know we know (so make no bones);
[further We also know there are thus known unknowns,
frothings] That is we know there are some things we do
[Drowned Not know. But there are also unknown (phew)
in froth] Unknowns. The ones we don’t know we don’t know.
Ashcroftus: Gadzooks! ‘Sblood! Zounds! They must have tazed thee, bro!
Will S.: Good grief. ‘Tis not enough that I revise
The Bushie’s gaffes, that Rummie’s tropes unwise
Must I now seek to disentangle?
Ashcroftus: Help!
You’ve lost me. Know I less than a cur’s whelp
With known unknowns, forsooth, and knowns unknown
Unknown unknowns, known knowns. My mind is blown.
Rummeus: You are dull, Ashie, and those sparks of life
Aborted are by feeble brain’s midwife.
Or else you use not. Mull now the true cause
Of all our ills: the Senate, house of whores!
Our lack of movement shows us womanish.
Alarums, excursions. Enter sponsor 2
Sponsor 2: A lack of movement? Canst thou not now pisch?
Then Metamucil take each day for ease.
Exit sponsor 2
Ashcroftus: Indeed, they say the Senators do please
To make our Bushie by the morrow King.
Rummeus: Then I’ll allow, good golly, no such thing.
I know where I will wear this dagger then.
Writing C.: Oh, Will, great Will, for Chissakes, hold thy pen
Recallest not my warnings. FBI
Doth wait, and Gitmo too. Transmogrify
The poxing dagger now into impeach.
Will S.: So be 't!
Rummeus: Ahem…ere I will wear this peach.
Rummeus from bondage will deliver Rummeus.
Therein, you Gods, with sweetness do you honey us;
Therein, you Gods, you tyrants do defeat.
[Thunder]
Ashcroftus: So every bondman in his hands so fleet
Bears pow'r to cancel his captivity.
Rummeus: Unless of course base inactivity
Prevail. So vile is Caesar. But, O grief,
From mine own mouth these words stole like a thief.
Ashcroftus: You speak to Ashie, and to such a man
That is no fleering telltale. Hold. My han’
They shake hands
Rummeus: And thus it is that there’s a bargain made
For all our plans so caref’lly hatched and laid.
Ashcroftus: Not laid and hatched? For first doth come the laying.
Will S.: Stop it, you two, like jackasses a-braying!
I wrote this crap and know what I am saying.
Get on with it!
Rummeus: The act that we are weighing,
Most bloody, fiery and most terrible.
Enter Nortona, sou’wester glistening with rain
Ashcroftus: Stand close awhile. Here comes an angry bull
Legs kicking high in all this storm in haste.
Rummeus: Tempesta! I do know her by her waist.
She is a friend. Her presence here can win
Chenie’s full backing. She can use her spin,
So finely honed to super from inferior
When known as Gale she lorded o’er Interior,
To seal the deal.
Nortona: What fearful night is this!
Strange portents have we seen through all this piss
That haunt and scare through dark and stormy night.
Alarums, excursions. Enter sponsor 1
Sponsor 1: With Halliburton’s midnight oil so bright,
Fear not the ghosts, since darkness into day
Is turned.
Exit sponsor 1
Rummeus: Tempesta dear! Come here, I pray.
These written polls and focus groups do take
To Chenie’s house, their honeyed words to make
Him see the light of day, and to persuade
Him clear that ‘pon our side his bed is made.
So vouch that he’s won truly to our party,
And joins us hale and now pacemaker-hearty.
Vox populi: The plot doth thicken; who will vict’ry win?
The Bushie Caesar? Chenie is his twin
In knavery. Which one within a den
Of thieves to choose when all’re ignoble men?
When ‘mongst them every poxing man jack rouses
Such scorn, we say a pox on all your houses.
Exit Nortona, falling flat into a mud puddle.
Rummeus: Come, Ashie, you and I will yet ere dawn
See Chenie at his house to be our pawn.
Ashcroftus: O, sits he high in all the people’s hearts,
Although his own is broke in many parts.
His countenance, like richest alchemy,
Turns foe to friend and friend to enemy,
And with his mouth and lips leftward a-drooping,
His puckered lips like you-know-what a-pooping,
That e’en stone-making Gorgon’s face to stone
Can he thus turn, and none but he alone.
And thus with him four-square upon our side
Our schemes will be a breeze, an easy ride.
Do rest assured, no need is there for funk,
With him it'll be yet one more true slam dunk.
[Thunder. Lightning].
Exeunt, waists clasped, waltzing to the Ride of the Valkyrie
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